...and it still hurts.
The ache is so real some times, that I find myself doubled over. Like tonight when I stood in my kitchen, face buried in my hands, all sobs and tears.
Other times it's just a dull ache. A frustrating memory. A time in my life that I would do anything to forget. A time in my life that I wish never, ever happened.
It's mourning at its worse. Because when I mourn the loss of loved ones, the grandparents I never knew because they died when I was young, or the grandparents I knew so well it's almost like they're not even gone, I mourn that they're not here with me. But I know that we'll see each other once again. So this mourning I can bear.
But the ache of this mourning isn't as easily burdened. For I will never go back to those days before the incident. My life has irreversibly changed. And this isn't a bad thing. I don't think I would want to live that life; I'm certain it wasn't the life God intended for me.
But the fact remains: something was taken from me and it hurts.
This makes me think of Paul. He repeatedly asked God to remove his "thorn," the thing that hurt him, that which made him suffer. Many have theorized what the thorn was. Was it an ailment? Was it a spiritual struggle? What was this horrible thing that Paul so wanted removed?
Why do we think the thorn was something Paul had?
Perhaps it was something he lost. The pain of loss can seem unbearable at times. Maybe he was crying out for God to remove that pain. Or maybe, like me, he wanted his memory wiped clean of a loss he'd suffered.
I'm reminded that despite Paul's suffering, he was a triumphant solider in God's army. God never failed him. And that is probably why he suffered to begin with: to remind the injured that God heals all wounds, not time. It might take 9 years or it might take 90, but God's grace is sufficient. God's grace is powerful. God's grace is good. There is nothing better.
May you go in peace, knowing that God's grace is all you need.
P.S. Read the August 2 entry below for back-story.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
This Feels Strangely Familiar
All last week I was overcome by a feeling of "boy I've been here before." I'm not talking about dejavu or some weird dream memory. No it's a sincere "this is familiar" feeling.
We're on the cusp of something. Something big. It's just around the corner and it's so very exciting. The scary thing is the last time I felt this way, the bottom fell out a few months later. Get comfortable, this is a long story.
It was summer 2000. Scott and I were both working at Champion Duplicators, my father's manufacturing company. Champion manufactured duplication equipment for floppy diskettes and CDs. I was technical support manager and Scott was quality assurance manager. I started working there part-time in 1997 as a marketing assistant. In 1998, I agreed to be the temporary tech support manager before I left to study at Oxford University. That's the year we caught our big break at Champion. The company doubled in size. It was so exciting. I came back from England and went back to my job in marketing. In January 1999 I met Scott. I don't remember when I went back to tech support but I do remember loving every minute of it. Scott joined Champion in the spring of 2000.
By the time Scott came on, Champion had endured a rocky 9 months. Staff changes, product glitches, nothing out of the ordinary really. But things were finally starting to smooth out. It was a very exciting time. My sister was also working there by this time. She was in procurement and her boyfriend at the time hired on in IT. The four of us loved working together. My mom was in charge of HR. My uncle worked for Scott in QA. His wife worked in assembly. But everyone we worked with was like family to us. We loved our jobs. Scott and I talked a lot about how we were on the "cutting edge" of something really big. We could feel it. Manufacturing problems were smoothing out, sales were picking up, tech support was working like clockwork. Dad and the "higher ups" were working on a merger deal with one of our biggest distributors/former competitor. Things were cooking.
Then October 3 dawned. The merger was final and despite promises that no Champion employees would lose their jobs, 5 did. My mom, sister, her boyfriend, Scott and I were left on the chopping block. The bubble burst. It was one of those "hostile corporate takeovers" you read about in John Grisham novels. Turns out we were betrayed by some of our most trusted coworkers. Gosh, I'm crying as I type. That was most certainly one of the worst days of my life. I'll make a really long story short. After a LONG legal battle (6 years long), my dad sold his shares and that Champion chapter was closed.
Every day this last week, I've had that same feeling of mounting excitement that we had 9 years ago. I can't describe it other than to say it's like looking out at an awesome view from atop a mountain. It takes my breath away.
But then I catch my breath and pray, "Oh God, I don't know if I can handle the bottom falling out again." I was having one of those moments on Tuesday morning while we sat at breakfast. And that's when I hard this voice that said, "Child I have big, great things planned for you guys." Adam and I had been talking idly and I looked at him and said, "There's great things coming our way, kid." He just said "uh huh."
I heard a song on KLove later in the week that just kind of hit home. The chorus and third verse go:
There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He's up to something
And the farther on I go
I've seen enough to know
That I'm, not here for nothing
He's up to something
I don't know what's around the corner. But I know He's up to something. For now that's enough.
We're on the cusp of something. Something big. It's just around the corner and it's so very exciting. The scary thing is the last time I felt this way, the bottom fell out a few months later. Get comfortable, this is a long story.
It was summer 2000. Scott and I were both working at Champion Duplicators, my father's manufacturing company. Champion manufactured duplication equipment for floppy diskettes and CDs. I was technical support manager and Scott was quality assurance manager. I started working there part-time in 1997 as a marketing assistant. In 1998, I agreed to be the temporary tech support manager before I left to study at Oxford University. That's the year we caught our big break at Champion. The company doubled in size. It was so exciting. I came back from England and went back to my job in marketing. In January 1999 I met Scott. I don't remember when I went back to tech support but I do remember loving every minute of it. Scott joined Champion in the spring of 2000.
By the time Scott came on, Champion had endured a rocky 9 months. Staff changes, product glitches, nothing out of the ordinary really. But things were finally starting to smooth out. It was a very exciting time. My sister was also working there by this time. She was in procurement and her boyfriend at the time hired on in IT. The four of us loved working together. My mom was in charge of HR. My uncle worked for Scott in QA. His wife worked in assembly. But everyone we worked with was like family to us. We loved our jobs. Scott and I talked a lot about how we were on the "cutting edge" of something really big. We could feel it. Manufacturing problems were smoothing out, sales were picking up, tech support was working like clockwork. Dad and the "higher ups" were working on a merger deal with one of our biggest distributors/former competitor. Things were cooking.
Then October 3 dawned. The merger was final and despite promises that no Champion employees would lose their jobs, 5 did. My mom, sister, her boyfriend, Scott and I were left on the chopping block. The bubble burst. It was one of those "hostile corporate takeovers" you read about in John Grisham novels. Turns out we were betrayed by some of our most trusted coworkers. Gosh, I'm crying as I type. That was most certainly one of the worst days of my life. I'll make a really long story short. After a LONG legal battle (6 years long), my dad sold his shares and that Champion chapter was closed.
Every day this last week, I've had that same feeling of mounting excitement that we had 9 years ago. I can't describe it other than to say it's like looking out at an awesome view from atop a mountain. It takes my breath away.
But then I catch my breath and pray, "Oh God, I don't know if I can handle the bottom falling out again." I was having one of those moments on Tuesday morning while we sat at breakfast. And that's when I hard this voice that said, "Child I have big, great things planned for you guys." Adam and I had been talking idly and I looked at him and said, "There's great things coming our way, kid." He just said "uh huh."
I heard a song on KLove later in the week that just kind of hit home. The chorus and third verse go:
There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet
Still wondering why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He's up to something
And the farther on I go
I've seen enough to know
That I'm, not here for nothing
He's up to something
I don't know what's around the corner. But I know He's up to something. For now that's enough.
Monday, June 22, 2009
O Wise Kermit
Remember that Kermit the Frog song, "Bein' Green?" Well, he was one wise frog.
Yesterday was my first day back in my normal life. Man, it felt like I was back in my own skin again. I did "homework" with Adam without feeling rushed, I did two loads of laundry, we played football in the backyard, went swimming at Grammy's, watched a cropduster dust the wheat field near our house, cooked dinner, went to soccer (which was then canceled) and then made S'mores. When the day was over, I felt fulfilled, a feeling I didn't have for the previous 7 weeks.
While we were tossing the football back and forth, I suddenly thought of Kermit's song. Of course, I thought the song was called "I love being me" but whatever. The point is, Kermit sang about the challenges of being green yet at the end of the song, he says :
Kermit, my friend, I hope you don't mind, but I'm changing your lyrics:
Yesterday was my first day back in my normal life. Man, it felt like I was back in my own skin again. I did "homework" with Adam without feeling rushed, I did two loads of laundry, we played football in the backyard, went swimming at Grammy's, watched a cropduster dust the wheat field near our house, cooked dinner, went to soccer (which was then canceled) and then made S'mores. When the day was over, I felt fulfilled, a feeling I didn't have for the previous 7 weeks.
While we were tossing the football back and forth, I suddenly thought of Kermit's song. Of course, I thought the song was called "I love being me" but whatever. The point is, Kermit sang about the challenges of being green yet at the end of the song, he says :
I am green and it'll do fine
It's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.
Kermit, my friend, I hope you don't mind, but I'm changing your lyrics:
I am mom and I'll be fine
It's beautiful!
And it is what I want to be.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
I Calendar
Caffeine, alcohol, exercise, smoking, eating, cleaning. These are all coping strategies used to deal with stress. Me? I calendar. I'm cringing right now as I make a noun into a verb, but oh well.
Last Monday I was feeling pressed to squeeze in 3 months of summer break into only 2 months of time. The temporary assignment as manager sucked up an extra three weeks of my life and left me feeling like time was running out. So what did I do? I made a calendar.
On my calendar, which runs from June 22 until August 27, is every event we have planned thus far. It includes bi-weekly soccer, weekly church services, camping trips, doctor's appointments, "field trips", story times, park dates, birthdays and work events. By the time I was done, I was encouraged and excited about my summer plans with Adam and Gracey.
This isn't the first time I've used the calendar as a coping mechanism. I made at least 6 calendars while serving as district manager -- weekly and monthly calendars. Whenever someone comes to visit, I make a calendar. When we go on vacation, I make a calendar. Every January, I fill in the calendar with birthdays, school holidays and annual events. And in 2006, when I was wrought with anxiety and fear, I made a 2007 calendar containing every "do not be afraid" verse found in the Bible.
A sister to the calendar, I also like to make schedules. For example, I had an 8-page schedule for our wedding day. Our pastor teased me because I only scheduled 7 minutes for the homily. But being a fellow Type A, he complied. I do this for vacations, too.
When we were dating, Scott called me "The Walking Calendar" because I could pull out dates easily. For example, he'd ask "what is the date of the last Monday in June?" And I'd reply "June 29." Or he'd ask, "what was the date of Thanksgiving last year?" And I'd know.
I'm not sure where this came from or how it started. But I love my calendars. I often keep them in case I need to refer back to them at a later date. They put my nerves at ease even better than diet coke, chocolate and shopping combined.
Last Monday I was feeling pressed to squeeze in 3 months of summer break into only 2 months of time. The temporary assignment as manager sucked up an extra three weeks of my life and left me feeling like time was running out. So what did I do? I made a calendar.
On my calendar, which runs from June 22 until August 27, is every event we have planned thus far. It includes bi-weekly soccer, weekly church services, camping trips, doctor's appointments, "field trips", story times, park dates, birthdays and work events. By the time I was done, I was encouraged and excited about my summer plans with Adam and Gracey.
This isn't the first time I've used the calendar as a coping mechanism. I made at least 6 calendars while serving as district manager -- weekly and monthly calendars. Whenever someone comes to visit, I make a calendar. When we go on vacation, I make a calendar. Every January, I fill in the calendar with birthdays, school holidays and annual events. And in 2006, when I was wrought with anxiety and fear, I made a 2007 calendar containing every "do not be afraid" verse found in the Bible.
A sister to the calendar, I also like to make schedules. For example, I had an 8-page schedule for our wedding day. Our pastor teased me because I only scheduled 7 minutes for the homily. But being a fellow Type A, he complied. I do this for vacations, too.
When we were dating, Scott called me "The Walking Calendar" because I could pull out dates easily. For example, he'd ask "what is the date of the last Monday in June?" And I'd reply "June 29." Or he'd ask, "what was the date of Thanksgiving last year?" And I'd know.
I'm not sure where this came from or how it started. But I love my calendars. I often keep them in case I need to refer back to them at a later date. They put my nerves at ease even better than diet coke, chocolate and shopping combined.
Did Jesus Multi-Task?
Yesterday a friend texted me from church. When I commented that she must not be paying attention, she said she was multi-tasking and that Jesus multi-tasked. This gave me pause.
When I reflect on all I've read about Jesus, I can't think of one instance of multi-tasking. Yes, He was busy but in every endeavor, He was wholly present. It is nearly impossible to have that kind of presence while multi-tasking. Think about it. When you're blogging, watching TV and talking to your husband, does any one of those tasks have your full attention? No. You've parsed yourself out to your tasks. And more than that, multi-tasking indicates hurry. Good or bad, I multi-task often. But I do so because I'm hurrying to accomplish many things in a short amount of time. And if you've followed my blog for awhile, you know that often in my multi-tasking madness, I make stupid mistakes. Sorry, I digress. I can't think of a time when Jesus was in a hurry. He was thoughtful, present, and attentive. Sorry, that doesn't qualify as multi-tasking to me.
Now, this friend then pointed out that Jesus is at work in all our lives at the same time therefore He is multi-tasking. Okay. But to assign the label "multi-tasking" to His omniscience and omnipotence seems well sacriligious.
So, if you ask me, no, Jesus did not and does not multi-task. What do you think?
When I reflect on all I've read about Jesus, I can't think of one instance of multi-tasking. Yes, He was busy but in every endeavor, He was wholly present. It is nearly impossible to have that kind of presence while multi-tasking. Think about it. When you're blogging, watching TV and talking to your husband, does any one of those tasks have your full attention? No. You've parsed yourself out to your tasks. And more than that, multi-tasking indicates hurry. Good or bad, I multi-task often. But I do so because I'm hurrying to accomplish many things in a short amount of time. And if you've followed my blog for awhile, you know that often in my multi-tasking madness, I make stupid mistakes. Sorry, I digress. I can't think of a time when Jesus was in a hurry. He was thoughtful, present, and attentive. Sorry, that doesn't qualify as multi-tasking to me.
Now, this friend then pointed out that Jesus is at work in all our lives at the same time therefore He is multi-tasking. Okay. But to assign the label "multi-tasking" to His omniscience and omnipotence seems well sacriligious.
So, if you ask me, no, Jesus did not and does not multi-task. What do you think?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Whose Car Am I Driving?
So I was driving to my mom's this afternoon, kids strapped in the back, Adam talking non-stop about something and Gracey babbling right along with him when I had to do a mental double-take. Whose car am I driving? When did I become an adult, a parent? And then the real shock set in: I don't really remember much about life before car seats. Oh sure. I know I drove a sporty little Prelude but what was that like? It seems so long ago and this new way of life feels so, well, right. Weird.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Second Chance at Life
A few months ago, I told you about my beloved plumeria, the plant that has filled my heart with pride. Well, you know that freeze we had over Mother's Day? Ya. Well, my tropical princess suffered. Her green baby leaves turned black and fell off. The claws (pre-leaf thingies) turned black and the limbs became squishy. Eww. Oh how I nearly cried. Over the last few weeks, I've doted on her, not knowing what to do. Her trunk is fine, but those limbs, all four of them, are most certainly dead.
I did some research tonight and guess what?! My plumeria has a second chance at life. I won't bore you with the details but it involved careful pruning. She won't bloom either leaves or flowers this year, but that's okay so long as she comes back!
Of course as I stood in my foyer carefully pruning the branches, I was reminded of how God prunes us. You know some times parts of our lives get black, squishy and withered. Once healthy limbs dangle like dislocated legs and though the trunk is alive, if the mushiness isn't removed the entire plant suffers. And maybe even dies.
Isn't that the way it is with life too? If we just went along through life and never had a pruning, our spiritual life would die. Maybe we become too heady and fall over under the weight of our arrogance. Or maybe a good crisis comes along and freezes us in our tracks and we wither. But if we allow our Father to gently prune back the dead wood, new growth can come in just like my plumeria. It's not an instant fix, mind you, and the growing part is difficult too, but oh the glory when those new blooms burst forth!
I love that stupid plumeria even more now that it's been near death. It's a sweet reminder of my Father who just wants to see me bloom.
I did some research tonight and guess what?! My plumeria has a second chance at life. I won't bore you with the details but it involved careful pruning. She won't bloom either leaves or flowers this year, but that's okay so long as she comes back!
Of course as I stood in my foyer carefully pruning the branches, I was reminded of how God prunes us. You know some times parts of our lives get black, squishy and withered. Once healthy limbs dangle like dislocated legs and though the trunk is alive, if the mushiness isn't removed the entire plant suffers. And maybe even dies.
Isn't that the way it is with life too? If we just went along through life and never had a pruning, our spiritual life would die. Maybe we become too heady and fall over under the weight of our arrogance. Or maybe a good crisis comes along and freezes us in our tracks and we wither. But if we allow our Father to gently prune back the dead wood, new growth can come in just like my plumeria. It's not an instant fix, mind you, and the growing part is difficult too, but oh the glory when those new blooms burst forth!
I love that stupid plumeria even more now that it's been near death. It's a sweet reminder of my Father who just wants to see me bloom.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Simple Life
So I was on the road again today, this time to Dickinson, and I got to thinking about our life here in North Dakota. These road trips have been good for me because sometimes I start to feel like life here isn't any different from life back in California. But as I zip through the rolling hills, rocky buttes and expansive blue sky I realize how good we have it here. And I've come to the conclusion that unless you are blessed with this knowledge of the good life, you would have to have lived somewhere else to recognize its goodness.
We have no traffic. It's 99 miles from here to Dickinson. I make it there in about an hour and fifteen minutes. I remember when driving the 70 miles to my in-laws would take us almost three hours because of the traffic.
We have 0 to little crime. Though I don't make a habit of leaving my car unlocked even when going in to pay for my gas, if I did, my car and all its contents would still be there.
Strangers say hello and smile at you. If you need help, they are willing to give it. Men are still (mostly) chivalrous.
Schools do not have metal detectors, narcs, or gun-toting security guards.
Church is not a curse word. Even if the cashier at Kmart isn't a believer, they've probably been to church, still go to church or don't mind if you talk about your church. Even non-church-goers recognize that people go to church on Sunday. I love that we can't buy alcohol on Sundays and that stores don't open until noon. It would be okay with me if they were all closed on Sunday.
There's fishing, hunting, camping, and every other outdoor activity you can imagine. Dropping by a friend's house is not a big formal event. We work hard, we party hard. It's a simple life here in ND and I could go on and on about the benefits and advantages to living here over somewhere else. But, to sum it up in the words of a famous country song, "We're from the country and we like it that way."
We have no traffic. It's 99 miles from here to Dickinson. I make it there in about an hour and fifteen minutes. I remember when driving the 70 miles to my in-laws would take us almost three hours because of the traffic.
We have 0 to little crime. Though I don't make a habit of leaving my car unlocked even when going in to pay for my gas, if I did, my car and all its contents would still be there.
Strangers say hello and smile at you. If you need help, they are willing to give it. Men are still (mostly) chivalrous.
Schools do not have metal detectors, narcs, or gun-toting security guards.
Church is not a curse word. Even if the cashier at Kmart isn't a believer, they've probably been to church, still go to church or don't mind if you talk about your church. Even non-church-goers recognize that people go to church on Sunday. I love that we can't buy alcohol on Sundays and that stores don't open until noon. It would be okay with me if they were all closed on Sunday.
There's fishing, hunting, camping, and every other outdoor activity you can imagine. Dropping by a friend's house is not a big formal event. We work hard, we party hard. It's a simple life here in ND and I could go on and on about the benefits and advantages to living here over somewhere else. But, to sum it up in the words of a famous country song, "We're from the country and we like it that way."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
In Review
Since starting my stint as stand-in manager, I've been to Dickinson and Ft. Yates twice each. That equates to lots of quiet driving time without interruption. I heard a song on one of the road trips that made me start playing my life back in a powerpoint presentation manner. Can I remember the song now? No. But here are my favorite "slides."
The first time Gracey responded to our voices in the NICU.
Adam running laps and giggling when we arrived at Disney World.
Watching Scott dismount the horse in a prince costume and knowing he was about to propose.
Singing "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" with my classmates on the last day of massage school.
Sitting in my 14th century dorm room at Oxford and watching the carpet blow up off the floor in the summer breeze.
Protesting tuition hikes, tenure denials and going co-ed at Mills. Better dead than co-ed.
Choking on a vitamin, stopping breathing and going unconscious in Paris where I was then rescusitated by the Pizza Hut guy riding a moped.
Leading VBS in Coslada, Spain.
Watching the OJ Simpson "low speed chase" on TV before going to my high school graduation ceremony.
Passing out sandwiches and witnessing to the homeless in Berkeley's People's Park. Having said sandwiches thrown at me because we put mustard on them again even though the guy who lived on Telegraph had told us he didn't like mustard.
And now my mind is toast and I can't remember anything else. I guess that means I'm old.
The first time Gracey responded to our voices in the NICU.
Adam running laps and giggling when we arrived at Disney World.
Watching Scott dismount the horse in a prince costume and knowing he was about to propose.
Singing "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" with my classmates on the last day of massage school.
Sitting in my 14th century dorm room at Oxford and watching the carpet blow up off the floor in the summer breeze.
Protesting tuition hikes, tenure denials and going co-ed at Mills. Better dead than co-ed.
Choking on a vitamin, stopping breathing and going unconscious in Paris where I was then rescusitated by the Pizza Hut guy riding a moped.
Leading VBS in Coslada, Spain.
Watching the OJ Simpson "low speed chase" on TV before going to my high school graduation ceremony.
Passing out sandwiches and witnessing to the homeless in Berkeley's People's Park. Having said sandwiches thrown at me because we put mustard on them again even though the guy who lived on Telegraph had told us he didn't like mustard.
And now my mind is toast and I can't remember anything else. I guess that means I'm old.
Monday, May 18, 2009
My Calling is Clear
So I've been standing in as District Manager for almost two weeks now. And while I really enjoy many parts of the job, I know one thing for sure. I need to be a stay-at-home mom right now.
Since moving here and making the decision to stay home, I've often wondered if it was the right call. Money's been tight living off one salary. I know many of you can relate. Often times, I've looked at jobs and even applied but nothing came of it. But still I've wondered should I go back to work?
When Gwen called me two weeks ago and asked me to stand in for her, I didn't even think twice. The extra money is needed and I wanted to help her out because she's not only my boss, she's my friend. And, I wanted to better understand what she does when I'm not with her so I can be a better help to her. Also, she's often teased me that I could steal her job. Though I wouldn't do that, it made me wonder if I could really do what she does.
So, here I am two weeks into the four-six week stint as manager and I can't wait to go back to my provincial life as stay-at-home mom and Avon Lady. Don't get me wrong. I am loving the interaction with the reps, loving the challenge, loving the excitement and the feeling of being productive. And maybe one day many years from now I'd like to be a district manager somewhere in the country. I'd love to be Gwen's sister-manager.
But for now, I am so very happy to be a mom, wife and Avon lady. Sure, it means tight budgets and days full of diapers and Legos, but I'll take it. I'll take it happily.
Since moving here and making the decision to stay home, I've often wondered if it was the right call. Money's been tight living off one salary. I know many of you can relate. Often times, I've looked at jobs and even applied but nothing came of it. But still I've wondered should I go back to work?
When Gwen called me two weeks ago and asked me to stand in for her, I didn't even think twice. The extra money is needed and I wanted to help her out because she's not only my boss, she's my friend. And, I wanted to better understand what she does when I'm not with her so I can be a better help to her. Also, she's often teased me that I could steal her job. Though I wouldn't do that, it made me wonder if I could really do what she does.
So, here I am two weeks into the four-six week stint as manager and I can't wait to go back to my provincial life as stay-at-home mom and Avon Lady. Don't get me wrong. I am loving the interaction with the reps, loving the challenge, loving the excitement and the feeling of being productive. And maybe one day many years from now I'd like to be a district manager somewhere in the country. I'd love to be Gwen's sister-manager.
But for now, I am so very happy to be a mom, wife and Avon lady. Sure, it means tight budgets and days full of diapers and Legos, but I'll take it. I'll take it happily.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Satan Sucks
Having completed my study on fear two years ago, I've often scoffed at the question, "What is your greatest fear?" Not much scares me any more. But, this week I've learned I have a new nemesis: self-doubt.
Those of you who know me know that I'm a fairly confident person. I don't have a problem with public speaking. I don't question myself. I feel pretty good about where I am in my life. So this self-doubt thing was a real curve ball.
Last Thursday evening, my Avon manager informed me that she was going to have to have surgery and wanted me to be her stand-in for the four weeks she'll need to recover. I was so excited about this opportunity when we talked about it. Friday we got together and though I was starting to stress a little, her departure was still a week away, so I was still excited. On Monday afternoon, however, she told me her surgery would be today. So yesterday we had to pack in all the training, all the supplies, all the logistics into a few hours. I was overwhelmed.
As I drove to my mom's to get my kids, I just started to cry. I wondered what I had done to my nice, neat little life. The fact that this interruption would only last four weeks did not soothe me. By the time I went to bed, I was a blubbering mess. Scott kept asking me what was wrong, wanting me to tell him what part of all this had upset me. But all I could say was "all of it." Needless to say I didn't sleep very well. I woke up exhausted with a headache (from crying) and still feeling overwhelmed, I was again a puddle of tears.
Just before leaving to start my day (which included 3 hours of conference calls first thing this morning) I was standing in the laundry room when it hit me. Satan sucks. He was using self-doubt as a weapon against me and had cut me off at the knees. Self-doubt is really nothing more than fancy fear. And when I realized that, I could put all of it back into perspective, claim God's 365 "do not be afraid" phrases and hold tight to His promises. The day totally changed.
As I continued to think about this self-doubt thing, I realized it's one of Satan's favorite and most powerful tools. He even tried to use it on Jesus when he tempted Him. Think about it for a second. Satan knew Jesus could make bread from rocks. The scorcerers of Pharoah's time could do such tricks. But what he was really trying to do was attack Jesus' self-worth, His knowledge of Himself, His sense of self. He was trying to incite self-doubt. It's the same thing when a dieter gives in and eats a cupcake or an ex-alcoholic has a drink. The cupcake and the beer aren't the sin, consuming them may cause weight-gain or a slip from the wagon, but those things can't destroy you on their own. But, self-doubt can. And does.
You see, self-doubt robs us of faith. And anything that interrupts our faith in God is directly related to Satan. So again I say, Satan sucks.
So, tonight as I prepare to go to bed and hopefully sleep like a log, I want to remind you of a few of my favorite reassuring verses. Perhaps you'll need them some day too.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 1 Tim 1:7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Phil 4:6
"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. " Rom 8:18
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." 1 Pet 5:6-8
Those of you who know me know that I'm a fairly confident person. I don't have a problem with public speaking. I don't question myself. I feel pretty good about where I am in my life. So this self-doubt thing was a real curve ball.
Last Thursday evening, my Avon manager informed me that she was going to have to have surgery and wanted me to be her stand-in for the four weeks she'll need to recover. I was so excited about this opportunity when we talked about it. Friday we got together and though I was starting to stress a little, her departure was still a week away, so I was still excited. On Monday afternoon, however, she told me her surgery would be today. So yesterday we had to pack in all the training, all the supplies, all the logistics into a few hours. I was overwhelmed.
As I drove to my mom's to get my kids, I just started to cry. I wondered what I had done to my nice, neat little life. The fact that this interruption would only last four weeks did not soothe me. By the time I went to bed, I was a blubbering mess. Scott kept asking me what was wrong, wanting me to tell him what part of all this had upset me. But all I could say was "all of it." Needless to say I didn't sleep very well. I woke up exhausted with a headache (from crying) and still feeling overwhelmed, I was again a puddle of tears.
Just before leaving to start my day (which included 3 hours of conference calls first thing this morning) I was standing in the laundry room when it hit me. Satan sucks. He was using self-doubt as a weapon against me and had cut me off at the knees. Self-doubt is really nothing more than fancy fear. And when I realized that, I could put all of it back into perspective, claim God's 365 "do not be afraid" phrases and hold tight to His promises. The day totally changed.
As I continued to think about this self-doubt thing, I realized it's one of Satan's favorite and most powerful tools. He even tried to use it on Jesus when he tempted Him. Think about it for a second. Satan knew Jesus could make bread from rocks. The scorcerers of Pharoah's time could do such tricks. But what he was really trying to do was attack Jesus' self-worth, His knowledge of Himself, His sense of self. He was trying to incite self-doubt. It's the same thing when a dieter gives in and eats a cupcake or an ex-alcoholic has a drink. The cupcake and the beer aren't the sin, consuming them may cause weight-gain or a slip from the wagon, but those things can't destroy you on their own. But, self-doubt can. And does.
You see, self-doubt robs us of faith. And anything that interrupts our faith in God is directly related to Satan. So again I say, Satan sucks.
So, tonight as I prepare to go to bed and hopefully sleep like a log, I want to remind you of a few of my favorite reassuring verses. Perhaps you'll need them some day too.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 1 Tim 1:7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." Phil 4:6
"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. " Rom 8:18
"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." 1 Pet 5:6-8
Monday, May 4, 2009
Is It Friday Yet?
My oh my, what a day today has been. Hm. Makes me think of one of my favorite Amy Grant songs, "In a Little While." (lyrics below)
I went to bed last night dreading this week. It's bad news when you're on the brink of a panic attack and trying to get to sleep. So I prayed myself to sleep. At 6:21 am, I'm in a dead sleep when I hear "Mom, Mommy. Mom. Mommy. I wet my bed. I'm wet to my shoulders." I roll over and see the time. Why couldn't he have come down an hour before? Or waited 19 minutes when it's my time to get up? Oh well. Stripped him down, turned on the shower for him, put out his clean clothes and got back in bed until he got out of the shower. I then got up begrudgingly and went about my morning.
By the time we were in the car, I knew I needed a morning walk by myself. Just me, Gracey and my MP3 player tuned to Newsboys, Casting Crowns, even Amy Grant. I knew I needed the solace and the strength that I so often find in Christian music. And I was right. By the time my walk was done, my day was in full-swing. A card refresh at Target was punctuated with a GREAT deal on a swimsuit I'd been eyeing. It had been $35, went on sale for $17.50 on Friday and today was $8.74! Woo hoo! From there I went to Wal-Mart to do my grocery shopping. And that's where God clearly took over my day.
I finished grocery shopping in record time and ended up with plenty of time to go home and put the groceries away before getting Adam. So I did. Then I made two Avon deliveries that I was going to have to make this afternoon. Worked out swimmingly. Then my mom called and said she was going to Minot to do a card refresh up there as that person wasn't able to do their job. Did I want to come? Well, had I not had God on my side and accomplished all the above tasks, I would have had to say no. But I said yes, picked up Adam and away we went. Even the refresh only took an hour. So it really worked out.
We met Scott for dinner at Chinatown in Gateway Mall then came home. I was exhausted. Still am. I'm ready for Friday for sure. But, it feels good to have accomplished so much. Especially considering tomorrow I start as the stand-in manager at Avon and my week is going to be out-of-control.
Okay, now for the lyrics:
Got a ticket coming home,
Wish the officer had known
What a day today has been
Then I stumbled through the door,
Dropping junk mail on the floor
When will this day end?
But then your letter caught my eye,
Brought the hope in me to life, cause you know me very well,
And I bet you wrote me
Just to tell me,
In a little while,
Well be with the father Cant you see him smile?
In a little while, Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
Boy, that letter hit the spot
Made me think of all Ive got,
And all that waits for me
Guess Ive known it all day long
Wonder where my thoughts went wrong
When will my heart believe?
Waking half way through the night,
Reaching toward the lamp for light,
Picking up the word I find Heres another letter
To remind me
In a little while,
Well be with the father
Cant you see him smile?
In a little while,
Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
Days like these are just a test of our will
Will we walk or will we fall?
Well, I can almost see the top of the hill,
And I believe its worth it all In a little while,
Well be with the father Cant you see him smile?
In a little while, Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
I went to bed last night dreading this week. It's bad news when you're on the brink of a panic attack and trying to get to sleep. So I prayed myself to sleep. At 6:21 am, I'm in a dead sleep when I hear "Mom, Mommy. Mom. Mommy. I wet my bed. I'm wet to my shoulders." I roll over and see the time. Why couldn't he have come down an hour before? Or waited 19 minutes when it's my time to get up? Oh well. Stripped him down, turned on the shower for him, put out his clean clothes and got back in bed until he got out of the shower. I then got up begrudgingly and went about my morning.
By the time we were in the car, I knew I needed a morning walk by myself. Just me, Gracey and my MP3 player tuned to Newsboys, Casting Crowns, even Amy Grant. I knew I needed the solace and the strength that I so often find in Christian music. And I was right. By the time my walk was done, my day was in full-swing. A card refresh at Target was punctuated with a GREAT deal on a swimsuit I'd been eyeing. It had been $35, went on sale for $17.50 on Friday and today was $8.74! Woo hoo! From there I went to Wal-Mart to do my grocery shopping. And that's where God clearly took over my day.
I finished grocery shopping in record time and ended up with plenty of time to go home and put the groceries away before getting Adam. So I did. Then I made two Avon deliveries that I was going to have to make this afternoon. Worked out swimmingly. Then my mom called and said she was going to Minot to do a card refresh up there as that person wasn't able to do their job. Did I want to come? Well, had I not had God on my side and accomplished all the above tasks, I would have had to say no. But I said yes, picked up Adam and away we went. Even the refresh only took an hour. So it really worked out.
We met Scott for dinner at Chinatown in Gateway Mall then came home. I was exhausted. Still am. I'm ready for Friday for sure. But, it feels good to have accomplished so much. Especially considering tomorrow I start as the stand-in manager at Avon and my week is going to be out-of-control.
Okay, now for the lyrics:
Got a ticket coming home,
Wish the officer had known
What a day today has been
Then I stumbled through the door,
Dropping junk mail on the floor
When will this day end?
But then your letter caught my eye,
Brought the hope in me to life, cause you know me very well,
And I bet you wrote me
Just to tell me,
In a little while,
Well be with the father Cant you see him smile?
In a little while, Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
Boy, that letter hit the spot
Made me think of all Ive got,
And all that waits for me
Guess Ive known it all day long
Wonder where my thoughts went wrong
When will my heart believe?
Waking half way through the night,
Reaching toward the lamp for light,
Picking up the word I find Heres another letter
To remind me
In a little while,
Well be with the father
Cant you see him smile?
In a little while,
Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
Days like these are just a test of our will
Will we walk or will we fall?
Well, I can almost see the top of the hill,
And I believe its worth it all In a little while,
Well be with the father Cant you see him smile?
In a little while, Well be home forever,
In a while
Were just here to learn to love him
Well be home in just a little while
Thursday, April 30, 2009
It's Finished
Closure is a wonderful thing and today I received just that in the form of a card. If you read my post regarding a note I sent, know that today I received confirmation that I did the right thing. I have peace. I have closure. Now I can heal. It feels like a brand new me.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Fear is a Terrible Waste of Time
Fear can be paralyzing. Encapsulating. Imprisoning. Fear deceives. Fear disables. Fear sucks. And, it's a terrible waste of time and energy.
We're coming up on the three year anniversary of our move to ND in June. A lot of people have asked me in those three years, "weren't you scared?" No. I wasn't. I never gave fear a second thought. I knew, without a doubt, that God had called us to ND for some purpose. So no I wasn't scared to leave the only home I'd ever really known. I wasn't scared to buy a house without ever having stepped foot in it. It just never occurred to me to be afraid.
But, about six months later, I realized I was terrified. Job-hunting had proved fruitless for Scott. Our neighbors didn't rush over with muffins like Bree on Desperate Housewives. And winter was knocking on our door. I'd only been to the snow a handful of times and certainly had never driven in it. And, sitting in the Grand Theatre watching "Facing the Giants" I realized I was scared. Scared stiff. A few days later I heard "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns on the radio. If you don't know it, I've posted the lyrics at the end of this post. There I was, pulling into the Big Lots parking lot, tears streaming down my cheeks. Wow. I was scared.
In "Facing the Giants" one of the characters says that the phrase "do not be afraid" is mentioned in the Bible 365 times. I decided I needed to research this. Certainly someone had listed all of these verses. But I didn't get around to it. Then one day a week or so later, I fell and sprained my ankle. I had nothing to do but sit around with my Bible and laptop looking up every last "do not be afraid" phrase in the Bible. And I did it. I found 'em all. I even made myself a nifty calendar with a verse for each day.
It's funny to me how God orchestrated a movie, a song and an ankle to help me overcome my fear. Only God could pull off such a bizarre combination of events.
In the years that have gone, I've encountered many people who are fearful. Lately, the biggest thing people are afraid of is job-related. And indeed it is a scary time for a lot of people. But fear is just such a waste of time. It has no benefits. And it stops us from doing the very thing we need to do more times than not. So, if you're reading this and you're afraid, email me. Somewhere around here I have a calendar of all the verses that I'd love to give you. And repeat after me, "Fear is a waste of time."
We're coming up on the three year anniversary of our move to ND in June. A lot of people have asked me in those three years, "weren't you scared?" No. I wasn't. I never gave fear a second thought. I knew, without a doubt, that God had called us to ND for some purpose. So no I wasn't scared to leave the only home I'd ever really known. I wasn't scared to buy a house without ever having stepped foot in it. It just never occurred to me to be afraid.
But, about six months later, I realized I was terrified. Job-hunting had proved fruitless for Scott. Our neighbors didn't rush over with muffins like Bree on Desperate Housewives. And winter was knocking on our door. I'd only been to the snow a handful of times and certainly had never driven in it. And, sitting in the Grand Theatre watching "Facing the Giants" I realized I was scared. Scared stiff. A few days later I heard "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns on the radio. If you don't know it, I've posted the lyrics at the end of this post. There I was, pulling into the Big Lots parking lot, tears streaming down my cheeks. Wow. I was scared.
In "Facing the Giants" one of the characters says that the phrase "do not be afraid" is mentioned in the Bible 365 times. I decided I needed to research this. Certainly someone had listed all of these verses. But I didn't get around to it. Then one day a week or so later, I fell and sprained my ankle. I had nothing to do but sit around with my Bible and laptop looking up every last "do not be afraid" phrase in the Bible. And I did it. I found 'em all. I even made myself a nifty calendar with a verse for each day.
It's funny to me how God orchestrated a movie, a song and an ankle to help me overcome my fear. Only God could pull off such a bizarre combination of events.
In the years that have gone, I've encountered many people who are fearful. Lately, the biggest thing people are afraid of is job-related. And indeed it is a scary time for a lot of people. But fear is just such a waste of time. It has no benefits. And it stops us from doing the very thing we need to do more times than not. So, if you're reading this and you're afraid, email me. Somewhere around here I have a calendar of all the verses that I'd love to give you. And repeat after me, "Fear is a waste of time."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Jesus is Alive!
Every morning, Adam gets up about 45 minutes before we do. And though we've told him he can't come into our room until the clock says 6:30, he often comes down and uses the bathroom outside our bedroom. This baffles me since there are two bathrooms upstairs both of which he passes as he journies from his room to the guest bath outside our bedroom door. Maybe it's because he can stare at himself in the mirror while he does his business. He often holds full conversations, sings songs, or acts out stories in the mirror while taking his marathon poop.
This morning, I was roused from my deep sleep by a purely angelic voice. It took me a few moments before I realized it was Adam singing in the guest bathroom once again.
"Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive," he sang over and over again.
A smile spread across my face as I realized it was Adam singing this little worship tune. How humbled and proud I was at the very same time. It was only a little over a year ago that my sweet boy prayed to ask Jesus into his heart. And I am so blessed to hear him worship his Savior albeit in the most unusual of circumstances. It was an awesome way to start a day!
This morning, I was roused from my deep sleep by a purely angelic voice. It took me a few moments before I realized it was Adam singing in the guest bathroom once again.
"Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive, Jesus is alive," he sang over and over again.
A smile spread across my face as I realized it was Adam singing this little worship tune. How humbled and proud I was at the very same time. It was only a little over a year ago that my sweet boy prayed to ask Jesus into his heart. And I am so blessed to hear him worship his Savior albeit in the most unusual of circumstances. It was an awesome way to start a day!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter
Happy Easter! Though I always thought it would be more appropriate to say "Happy Resurrection Day!" So there you go. Happy Resurrection Day and Happy Easter.
We had a good day today despite my having a migraine and subsequent temper tantrum. Oh well. That's what Easter is about, right? New beginnings? My migraine finally departed.
One thing that struck me today was solemnity. Many, many folks were dressed in dark suits (women included) in church today as though they were going to a funeral. And even when we sang my favorite Easter hymn "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" it was so morose. We also sang "Did you feel the mountains tremble?" and it was like everyone was in a stupor of mourning. I wanted to get up on stage and say, "People! Did you not get the memo? He's alive!"
I've been reflecting upon this a lot today. Is it catholic guilt? I know a lot of people in our church were raised catholic and maybe their solemnity is a hold-over from the upbringing. Or was there something else going on in church this morning? I don't remember it being so morose last year, but then I was pregnant and sick, so you can't rely on my memory.
In any case, it was very upsetting. I actually left church depressed, bored and out-of-sorts. I don't know what was going on there today. But I'm pretty sure when God transplanted us to ND, He sent us to this church for a reason.
We had a good day today despite my having a migraine and subsequent temper tantrum. Oh well. That's what Easter is about, right? New beginnings? My migraine finally departed.
One thing that struck me today was solemnity. Many, many folks were dressed in dark suits (women included) in church today as though they were going to a funeral. And even when we sang my favorite Easter hymn "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" it was so morose. We also sang "Did you feel the mountains tremble?" and it was like everyone was in a stupor of mourning. I wanted to get up on stage and say, "People! Did you not get the memo? He's alive!"
I've been reflecting upon this a lot today. Is it catholic guilt? I know a lot of people in our church were raised catholic and maybe their solemnity is a hold-over from the upbringing. Or was there something else going on in church this morning? I don't remember it being so morose last year, but then I was pregnant and sick, so you can't rely on my memory.
In any case, it was very upsetting. I actually left church depressed, bored and out-of-sorts. I don't know what was going on there today. But I'm pretty sure when God transplanted us to ND, He sent us to this church for a reason.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Enlightenment
Today brought enlightenment. Twice. Hence it also brought a raging headache that neither ibuprofen, a hot bath nor copious amounts of caffeine have eradicated.
My son received a birthday present in the mail today. This shouldn't surprise anyone as his fifth birthday was on Thursday. And while he is enthralled by the Legos, I am somewhat less enthused with the enlightenment it brought along with it. You see, the gift was from my brother-in-law. It suddenly occured to me that to my brother-in-law, Adam's birthday is worthy of rememberence because he is a blood relative. My birthday, on the other hand, is consistently and repeatedly overlooked. I don't know the reason for this, but I do know that my step-mother-in-law's birthday is also repeatedly overlooked. I also know that he and his wife do not consider her part of his family. Therefore, simple deduction would tell us that I too am not counted as family. Therein lies the first enlightenment of the day.
I shed many tears over that bit, but I have a plan to deal with it. I'll keep you posted.
As you can imagine, I really needed a long, hot bath tonight. I decided to also take along with me some "mindless reading" aka magazines. There on the page, in a little tiny text box was the blurb of enlightenment. Did you know that a gum infection can cause insulin resistance in turn raising your blood sugars to prediabetic or even diabetic levels? Oh my.
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes while pregnant with Gracey. At my appointment with the diabetic educator, I told her I had had a gum and tooth infection at the time of the testing and was still being treated for that. (My test scores were only 2-3 points over the cut-off and my daily numbers were in the normal range with the exception of my morning number which was only slightly elevated by about 4 points) She actually laughed at me and said, "So? I had my gall bladder removed when I was pregnant and that didn't make me diabetic." I was polite and didn't say anything. Fact is, when she was pregnant (she's in her 70s) there was no such thing as gestational diabetes and having your gall bladder removed is very, very different from having an infection. Anyhow, during the course of my pregnancy, I had 2 different gum and tooth infections and a sinus infection all of which went mostly untreated because antibiotics during pregnancy is tricky at best.
So, I will be clipping out that blurb and attaching with it a letter then sending it on to this not-so-nice woman. Perhaps then she will be the enlightened one.
My son received a birthday present in the mail today. This shouldn't surprise anyone as his fifth birthday was on Thursday. And while he is enthralled by the Legos, I am somewhat less enthused with the enlightenment it brought along with it. You see, the gift was from my brother-in-law. It suddenly occured to me that to my brother-in-law, Adam's birthday is worthy of rememberence because he is a blood relative. My birthday, on the other hand, is consistently and repeatedly overlooked. I don't know the reason for this, but I do know that my step-mother-in-law's birthday is also repeatedly overlooked. I also know that he and his wife do not consider her part of his family. Therefore, simple deduction would tell us that I too am not counted as family. Therein lies the first enlightenment of the day.
I shed many tears over that bit, but I have a plan to deal with it. I'll keep you posted.
As you can imagine, I really needed a long, hot bath tonight. I decided to also take along with me some "mindless reading" aka magazines. There on the page, in a little tiny text box was the blurb of enlightenment. Did you know that a gum infection can cause insulin resistance in turn raising your blood sugars to prediabetic or even diabetic levels? Oh my.
I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes while pregnant with Gracey. At my appointment with the diabetic educator, I told her I had had a gum and tooth infection at the time of the testing and was still being treated for that. (My test scores were only 2-3 points over the cut-off and my daily numbers were in the normal range with the exception of my morning number which was only slightly elevated by about 4 points) She actually laughed at me and said, "So? I had my gall bladder removed when I was pregnant and that didn't make me diabetic." I was polite and didn't say anything. Fact is, when she was pregnant (she's in her 70s) there was no such thing as gestational diabetes and having your gall bladder removed is very, very different from having an infection. Anyhow, during the course of my pregnancy, I had 2 different gum and tooth infections and a sinus infection all of which went mostly untreated because antibiotics during pregnancy is tricky at best.
So, I will be clipping out that blurb and attaching with it a letter then sending it on to this not-so-nice woman. Perhaps then she will be the enlightened one.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Shack
Before Christmas, a friend called me out-of-the-blue to tell me that I had to read "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young. She gave me a quick synopsis and I said okay I'd give it a whirl. All the while, I never intended on reading it. Its very essence sounded sacriligious and outlandish. I thought of that stupid "DaVinci Code" and didn't want to read it. But then another friend was reading it and we decided to read it for our book club. So reluctantly I borrowed a copy.
I read it in five-and-a-half hours, or roughly the time it took us to drive home from Rapid City this week-end. It was hard to read about the little girl and I nearly gave up at that point. And when Papa first appeared (looking something like Maya Angelou in my mind) I almost put it down forever. But I kept on and was glad I did.
To say the story is fantastical would be an under-statement. And I also don't want to say that this book is biblically based and a good explanation for the nature of God, etc. But it's a good read.
In our Bible study, we've been discussing "the chosen" and how God could choose some for eternal salvation and choose others for hell. Some in our study say that is just a God thing and we'll never understand it. But, I believe same as the book put it. God chose all of us. He offered all of us reconciliation to Him through the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we accept His sacrifice, if we acknowledge His perfect gift, if we reconcile ourselves to Him through the cross, then we experience eternal life. If we deny His gift, if we choose 'independence' over reconciliation, then we've chosen hell or eternal separation from Him.
I won't go on though I could. I'm exhausted. But I'm forcing my husband to read it now. We have much to discuss. What did you think?
I read it in five-and-a-half hours, or roughly the time it took us to drive home from Rapid City this week-end. It was hard to read about the little girl and I nearly gave up at that point. And when Papa first appeared (looking something like Maya Angelou in my mind) I almost put it down forever. But I kept on and was glad I did.
To say the story is fantastical would be an under-statement. And I also don't want to say that this book is biblically based and a good explanation for the nature of God, etc. But it's a good read.
In our Bible study, we've been discussing "the chosen" and how God could choose some for eternal salvation and choose others for hell. Some in our study say that is just a God thing and we'll never understand it. But, I believe same as the book put it. God chose all of us. He offered all of us reconciliation to Him through the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we accept His sacrifice, if we acknowledge His perfect gift, if we reconcile ourselves to Him through the cross, then we experience eternal life. If we deny His gift, if we choose 'independence' over reconciliation, then we've chosen hell or eternal separation from Him.
I won't go on though I could. I'm exhausted. But I'm forcing my husband to read it now. We have much to discuss. What did you think?
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