Saturday, July 3, 2010

I Get It! I Finally Get It!

Gracey will be two in less than a week. And just a day or two ago, I finally got it.

What did you get, you ask?

After Gracey was born, whenever I'd think of her and her exciting first four days of life, the song "Come Thou Fount" would come to mind. And whenever we'd sing that song in church, it would resonate deeply with me.

When it came time to have Gracey dedicated, I even tried looking up the scripture that inspired the composer to write those lyrics. I couldn't find any such scripture, and Scott had a verse he really liked for her, so we went with that.

Yet, the song has meant a great deal to me.

Thursday night, I was driving into town to make a last minute run to the grocery for forgotten ingredients and "Come Thou Fount" was playing on the radio.

As I sang "Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for they courts above," I realized why the song had meant so much.

Gracey was admitted to the NICU when she was a day old because she'd had an episode in which her lips turned blue indicating her oxygenation levels were off. Sure enough they were. They did a bunch of tests including EEGs, etc. The doctor suspected she had Patent Ductus Arteriosis which basically means a valve in an infants heart didn't close/seal like it should. It normally closes by or at the time of birth (aided by contractions, etc) but in c-section babies often doesn't close as it should. In most cases it closes on its own in a few days but in some cases, it requires surgery. When Gracey was released, our doctor didn't confirm the PDA but did prescribe meds for gastric reflux.

At her wellness check months later, the doctor told me she'd had PDA but it had self-corrected. I had been such a basket case and it was under control -- not requiring surgery or any other type of intervention -- that he'd kept it to himself. I know some people probably think that was wrong of him to do. But I don't. I'm grateful he did. I was so traumatized by her NICU stay and I was terrified to bring her home because I thought she was 'broken.' The best thing he could have done was let that simple fact go unsaid for a few months.

So as the song says, Gracey's little heart was physically sealed by our Almighty Father two years ago.

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