Bloom for Jesus the colorful letters say on the preschool wall at Martin Luther. Bloom for Jesus. Oh that can mean so many things. But for me, it was a poignant message sent from my Father who wants me to get going on this writing project. When I read it yesterday, I said quietly, "Okay God, I get it. I'm supposed to start writing."
I've been 'researching' the Transplant/Bloom project for almost four years. Some days the only work that gets done is thinking. Other days, I read chapters and chapters of the Bible taking copious notes to support my theories. But a few months ago, God told me I needed to do more with this, take it to the next level.
You see, I was flipping through my Stampin' Up catalog and saw an adorable stamp set called "Bella's Blooms." One of the stamps says "It's Time to Bloom." I bought the set because I knew it was a message from my Father. Then I used to set to create the invitations for the college girls' Bible study I started at our church.
Two weeks later, I got another nudge. One of the girls in my study gave me a hug and said, "Oh my you smell so good." I thanked her and said it was my favorite perfume.
"What's it called?" she asked.
"In Bloom by-" I started.
"Oh my goodness. Bloom! That really is your theme!" She interjected.
Yes, dear Lord, Bloom is my theme.
So, here I am trying to get started on my blooming. Today I will work on this project. It is metamorphisizing before my very eyes and I'm so excited. I know my Father has big plans for me and my project. Now I just have to get to work.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
End of Kindergarten, Already?
With the 2009-2010 school year coming to a close, I've found myself thinking a lot about Adam's first year of elementary school.
I was not even the slightest bit excited about Adam starting kindergarten last summer. I had panic attacks about running out of time with him over the summer, but the first day of school was my all time low.
That morning I found myself standing in my kitchen, holding a dirty dish towel to my face while I sobbed. I kept saying"I can't do this today; I can't do this today." After getting dressed with more crying (from me, not him), we headed off for the school, just about a mile from our house.
I watched him on the playground before school started and when the bell rang, we lined up with the other kindergartners and parents. I was a bawling mess. As we unpacked his backpack into his cubby in the hall, the second bell rang. We both jumped, startled out of our wits. Then it was time to let him go into the classroom. I cried all the way out to the car and the whole way to Cracker Barrel where I was meeting other moms for breakfast.
When I arrived at Cracker Barrel, I was surprised and overwhelmed. I'd been told a few of us would have breakfast. But there were no less than 25 moms there. I sat with a few friends from MOPS who successfuly derailed the tears. I downed diet coke after diet coke to soothe myself.
That afternoon, my dad and I picked Adam up from school in the mule. I was so excited to have my boy back after a long day without him. But, something wasn't right. I whispered my concern to my dad. He reassured me Adam was just tired and probably a little overwhelmed. Oh I how hoped he was right.
But our mornings -- including the one when I got a speeding ticket in front of the school -- followed the same pattern. I didn't cry, but Adam begged me to stay with him on the playground until the bell rang. I couldn't leave him and I just knew something was wrong. This wasn't how my Adam behaved. Our afternoons also followed suit. Adam would be quiet, and when I'd ask about school he'd get belligerant. Things went from bad to worse and over Labor Day week-end, Adam had a total breakdown. He was crying and yelling about school. Poor kid was so unhappy.
In the second week of school, I decided to talk to some other kindergarten moms at other schools. And then I visited Martin Luther Christian School. What do you know? I cried again when I saw their kindergarten classroom. I knew this was the school experience I wanted for my kids. So I took Adam to see the classroom and meet the teacher. On the way home he told me that he thought it would be good to switch schools because he wasn't learning anything. More stories have come out as the year has gone by and I know we made the right choice.
So now here I am, only a few weeks left in Adam's kindergarten year and I'm again having panic attacks that I'm running out of time and again find myself in tears over the silliest things he says and does. Oh my, no one told me that motherhood would be so emotional!
In my heart I know everything is going to be okay and I still have lots and lots of time left to enjoy my boy. But some days, it's hard to convince my head of this.
I was not even the slightest bit excited about Adam starting kindergarten last summer. I had panic attacks about running out of time with him over the summer, but the first day of school was my all time low.
That morning I found myself standing in my kitchen, holding a dirty dish towel to my face while I sobbed. I kept saying"I can't do this today; I can't do this today." After getting dressed with more crying (from me, not him), we headed off for the school, just about a mile from our house.
I watched him on the playground before school started and when the bell rang, we lined up with the other kindergartners and parents. I was a bawling mess. As we unpacked his backpack into his cubby in the hall, the second bell rang. We both jumped, startled out of our wits. Then it was time to let him go into the classroom. I cried all the way out to the car and the whole way to Cracker Barrel where I was meeting other moms for breakfast.
When I arrived at Cracker Barrel, I was surprised and overwhelmed. I'd been told a few of us would have breakfast. But there were no less than 25 moms there. I sat with a few friends from MOPS who successfuly derailed the tears. I downed diet coke after diet coke to soothe myself.
That afternoon, my dad and I picked Adam up from school in the mule. I was so excited to have my boy back after a long day without him. But, something wasn't right. I whispered my concern to my dad. He reassured me Adam was just tired and probably a little overwhelmed. Oh I how hoped he was right.
But our mornings -- including the one when I got a speeding ticket in front of the school -- followed the same pattern. I didn't cry, but Adam begged me to stay with him on the playground until the bell rang. I couldn't leave him and I just knew something was wrong. This wasn't how my Adam behaved. Our afternoons also followed suit. Adam would be quiet, and when I'd ask about school he'd get belligerant. Things went from bad to worse and over Labor Day week-end, Adam had a total breakdown. He was crying and yelling about school. Poor kid was so unhappy.
In the second week of school, I decided to talk to some other kindergarten moms at other schools. And then I visited Martin Luther Christian School. What do you know? I cried again when I saw their kindergarten classroom. I knew this was the school experience I wanted for my kids. So I took Adam to see the classroom and meet the teacher. On the way home he told me that he thought it would be good to switch schools because he wasn't learning anything. More stories have come out as the year has gone by and I know we made the right choice.
So now here I am, only a few weeks left in Adam's kindergarten year and I'm again having panic attacks that I'm running out of time and again find myself in tears over the silliest things he says and does. Oh my, no one told me that motherhood would be so emotional!
In my heart I know everything is going to be okay and I still have lots and lots of time left to enjoy my boy. But some days, it's hard to convince my head of this.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Fear
Fear
Christmas 2006, we saw the movie "Facing the Giants." One of the characters in the movie says something about there being 365 do not be afraid verses in the Bible. I cried through most of the movie. Struck by how scared I was, I decided I'd have to see if there really were 365 verses that told me not to fear. A few days went by and I didn't look that up. I was sitting in my car outside Big Lots when Casting Crown's "Voice of Truth" came on the radio. Again I was bawling. I knew fear was something I needed to deal with.
See, we'd moved to Bismarck from California six months earlier. We bought our house without ever seeing it in person. We didn't know a soul in Bismarck and Scott didn't have a job when we got here. By the time Christmas came, Scott was still looking for work and we were both anxious and scared, wondering if we'd made the right decision.
Again in my car that afternoon, I resolved to look up those verses. But I didn't. Then a few days after Christmas, I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk. With nothing to do but sit around, I got out my Bible and my laptop and looked up all those verses. Sure enough, God tells us "do not be afraid," "have not fear," 'do not be discouraged," "fear not" and "be strong" 365 times. That's once a day. I guess He knew fear would be a daily struggle for most of us.
Still there are days when life is scary or when I wake up to an anxiety attack. That's when I look at this calendar I made and remember Genesis 3:15, Joshua 10:8, Joel 2:21, Matthew 28:5, Acts 27:4 and my favorite, Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Christmas 2006, we saw the movie "Facing the Giants." One of the characters in the movie says something about there being 365 do not be afraid verses in the Bible. I cried through most of the movie. Struck by how scared I was, I decided I'd have to see if there really were 365 verses that told me not to fear. A few days went by and I didn't look that up. I was sitting in my car outside Big Lots when Casting Crown's "Voice of Truth" came on the radio. Again I was bawling. I knew fear was something I needed to deal with.
See, we'd moved to Bismarck from California six months earlier. We bought our house without ever seeing it in person. We didn't know a soul in Bismarck and Scott didn't have a job when we got here. By the time Christmas came, Scott was still looking for work and we were both anxious and scared, wondering if we'd made the right decision.
Again in my car that afternoon, I resolved to look up those verses. But I didn't. Then a few days after Christmas, I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk. With nothing to do but sit around, I got out my Bible and my laptop and looked up all those verses. Sure enough, God tells us "do not be afraid," "have not fear," 'do not be discouraged," "fear not" and "be strong" 365 times. That's once a day. I guess He knew fear would be a daily struggle for most of us.
Still there are days when life is scary or when I wake up to an anxiety attack. That's when I look at this calendar I made and remember Genesis 3:15, Joshua 10:8, Joel 2:21, Matthew 28:5, Acts 27:4 and my favorite, Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
It's The Thought That Counts
Four years ago, I went to the Mount Hermon Christian Writer's Conference in the Santa Cruz mountains of California. I started writing poetry and short stories as a child and going to this particular conference had been a dream of mine for years. This was it. I was going to come home with a contract and my career as a published writer was going to take off. I arrived with two manuscripts, an idea for a third book and the eager anticipation of a child on Christmas morning.
Day 1 was great. So was Day 2.
On Day 3, I received my submissions back. Denied. Rejected. No thanks. I was crushed. Worse, I was surrounded by other writers who had already published a book, were about to publish a book or just received a contract. I remember laying down on a bench in the amphitheatre, hiding from my friends and roommates, hiding from the editors who crushed my dreams, hiding from God really, and just sobbing. Why would God give me a gift like writing but not give me the gift of publication? That's what I wanted after all. It's all I ever wanted.
Some time later, I realized I hadn't been using my gift for God's purposes but only my own. I had been acting like the girl with the 8 oz Coke. The gift wasn't enough for me because I wasn't looking at it through God's eyes. I was seeing only the gift and not the Giver.
Since that writer's conference, I've had pieces published and the glory has been God's. Wholly His. As I trust Him in and praise Him for His goodness, my ability to see the gift as He sees it grows.
Oh, I still get jealous and frustrated that others have more writing success than I do. But I'm human and I serve a loving, forgiving, gracious God who welcomes me back when my tantrum is over.
More Coke
Day 1 was great. So was Day 2.
On Day 3, I received my submissions back. Denied. Rejected. No thanks. I was crushed. Worse, I was surrounded by other writers who had already published a book, were about to publish a book or just received a contract. I remember laying down on a bench in the amphitheatre, hiding from my friends and roommates, hiding from the editors who crushed my dreams, hiding from God really, and just sobbing. Why would God give me a gift like writing but not give me the gift of publication? That's what I wanted after all. It's all I ever wanted.
Some time later, I realized I hadn't been using my gift for God's purposes but only my own. I had been acting like the girl with the 8 oz Coke. The gift wasn't enough for me because I wasn't looking at it through God's eyes. I was seeing only the gift and not the Giver.
Since that writer's conference, I've had pieces published and the glory has been God's. Wholly His. As I trust Him in and praise Him for His goodness, my ability to see the gift as He sees it grows.
Oh, I still get jealous and frustrated that others have more writing success than I do. But I'm human and I serve a loving, forgiving, gracious God who welcomes me back when my tantrum is over.
More Coke
I will bless you with a future filled with hope -- a future of success not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers.
Jeremiah 29:11-12
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)