Christmas Craziness to Christmas Selah

Because I'm an AVON rep and also work part-time from home as a District Assistant for AVON, the Christmas craziness begins for me in August. It starts slowly with much anticipation of seeing the Christmas product line-up. But somewhere around Halloween, it picks up speed. Then Thanksgiving comes and the pace moves so quickly and the stress builds so steadily that it is almost unbearable.

This is my tenth Christmas as a rep and my sixth as an assistant. Every Christmas, I tell myself, this is it. This is my last Christmas. I'm going to quit before next Christmas. And inevitably next Christmas comes and I get on the roller coaster.

Sometimes, I let the stress of it all rob me of the anticipation of Advent and the joy of Christmas. That is why I set out to accomplish as much of my Christmas to-do list as early in the season as possible. My goal in shopping early, sending cards early and decorating early is to get to a point in December when there's nothing left to do but relax and enjoy the season. The challenge then becomes to say no to extra busy-ness in those last days of Advent and to not again load my plate with stress.

To me, Christmas is magical, but its magic is fragile. It can easily be lost, broken, or otherwise damaged if we are not careful. And like Matthew Broderick's character in "Deck the Halls," I have a tendency to schedule the magic right out of the holiday. Last night, as I was tidying up the kitchen for the umpteenth time, that was what God laid on my heart. I felt He was saying, "I know you're pouring yourself into this season, trying to make every memory magical, trying to create a Christmas the kids will never forget and working at building meaning into everything you do this Christmas. But what are you missing out on?" My heart responded, "the joy."

I can spend day and night decorating, baking, wrapping and caroling in a good-hearted attempt to make Christmas special for my kids but if I alienate them in the process, what good have I done?

That's why when I read "Selah in the Sky" in InTouch Magazine this morning, I felt like it was written just for me. The author wrote from my heart as she did from hers. So today I am going to selah the wonder of Christmas. Join me?

I Think I Can

I know this is an odd photo to post. But I took this picture this morning of my "command central" where all my tasks and to-dos await completion on a daily basis. When life gets really hectic, as it has been the last few weeks, this area ends up looking like a dumping ground. The piles of papers, books, bills, checks, Avon orders, church stuff, school stuff and other random things grow and grow until I'm literally stacking things on top of other things just to have room for more things that need to be done.

Scott hates my "command central" and I don't blame him. It eats up valuable counter space and it's not pretty to look at, but it's convenient. If I put something there I know it will be accomplished. If I put it on my desk in my office upstairs, I will forget about it. If I put it in the file trays in the pantry, I know it will get lost. If I pin it to the bulletin board, it will get holes in it. So I stack it in priority order on the counter.

But what makes this picture so great is that "command central" was virtually empty this morning. All that's left are my cookbooks and grocery list because all I have left to do this Christmas season is bake. And for me, that is hardly a chore.

Today is the last day at breakneck speed. Starting tomorrow, I can shift into a lower gear and coast into Christmas with a smile on my face.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

"The Little Engine that Could" is without question my most favorite childhood book. My aunts and grandmother read it to me tirelessly and I really believe it shaped my outlook on life. I don't give up easily. I push and push to get something done even when everyone says it can't be done. Uphill, downhill, it doesn't matter. Forward motion is all that counts.

Of course, even the Little Engine couldn't do it without help. He had the toys to cheer him on, the smiles of those waiting kids to encourage him. Me? I have my family. I know I could not have survived the past through weeks without the love and encouragement of my husband, parents and kids. Without their support, I couldn't have chugged along.

And more than that, I serve this awesome God. I'm certain He's given me extra minutes in long busy days so I could get everything done on my list. I know He's given me sound and peaceful sleep and restored my energy when I wake in the morning.

I can, I can, I can! I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could.

A Salve to My Soul

Here's something about me that may surprise you. I suffer from anxiety. On the outside I probably look like I have it all together. But if you had been standing in my kitchen on Monday morning, you would have thought differently.

It was snack time. The kids were at the counter eating bananas and chattering on about something.  I went to pour them some milk but instead had an anxiety attack. My heart was racing, I was crying and felt like I couldn't breathe. Quickly I turned my back to the kids as to not freak them out any more than I already had and sent Scott a text message. When he called me back, I couldn't even tell him what was bothering me or what sent me into panic land. And when normalcy (whatever that is) returned, I was exhausted, feeling like I'd just run a marathon.

I wish I could tell you that Monday was a one time deal for me. But it isn't. Anxiety stalks me. It's always lurking in the shadows. Sometimes it's nothing more than a fleeting feeling of impending doom. Other times it's tears. And sometimes it's worse.

But it always goes away. God always rescues me from its grip. I always find peace and usually it comes to me through music or sometimes through verses I memorized as a kid.

Tuesday I was in a fog all day. Just feeling tired and run down. As I drove home from homeschool gym, one of my favorite songs came on the radio.

 How many times have you heard me cry out  "God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to  Just keep breathing?
Oh, I need you.  God, I need you now.

The next morning, as I sat at the table, in the quiet before the storm of our daily lives, I wrote in my journal, "Your enemy, anxiety, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack." I remember reading 1 Peter 5:8 in a high school assembly when I was a junior. I never thought it would come back to me like this.

Tonight, though, was my favorite. Locked in our junk room adjacent to the garage, I was sorting Avon for  a big fundraiser I just hosted. I had my MP3 player going when a song from my childhood started playing. My mom bought Amy Grant's "Age to Age" cassette when I was almost six years old. We played it endlessly in her Lincoln and eventually learned every word to every song on that album. So when "Arms of Love" came on tonight, that's exactly what it felt like. It felt like a great big hug from God Almighty. It was like He was saying, "I held you then, I'll hold you now." And all the anxiety just melted as I stood there singing off-key all by myself, surrounded by tubes of lipstick.

These instances are like a balm you rub on a sunburn. They're a salve to my soul.

I don't know why I'm sharing this with you. I just felt you needed to know. Maybe there's something you're struggling with, maybe you battle anxiety or depression or some other variety of the enemy's arsenal. Maybe you just need to be reminded of God's mercy and grace. Or maybe you just need a supernatural hug. Turn up the volume on your speakers and let His arms wrap around you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc0Wkq_DQnM

21st Century Genocide?

I am opposed to federally-funded or federal mandates requiring insurance funding of abortion and birth control.

Let's talk about abortion first. I am not opposed to federal funding or federal mandates requiring funding for abortions because I am prolife. I am, in fact, prolife and believe human life begins at conception. I believe ending that life, at any point in the pregrancy, is indeed murder. I understand, however, that extenuating circumstances exist turning a black and white matter into one that is very, very grey. However, my prolife stance has nothing to do with my opinion on federal mandates on abortion.

Similarly, I am not opposed to birth control funding mandated by the federal goverment because I believe birth control is morally wrong. I don't. I know some people believe that using birth control violates God's will and breaks His command to "be fruitful and multiply." I'm not one of those people.  I believe God can make anything happen whenever He wants and a silly little hormone pill isn't going to prevent a pregnancy if God's will is for you to be pregnant at that moment in time. But I digress. The point is, though I have no problems with birth control, namely oral contraceptives, I do have a problem with the government mandating its coverage by insurance.

When I was in college at a very liberal, all women college, a lot of my classmates had bumper stickers on their cars that read: "U.S: Out of My Uterus!" I remember not really understanding what that meant but thinking it was kind of humorous.  Today, I'm shaking my fist in the air in support of such a statement.

Let me break this down for you: if we allow, or in this case ask, the government to pay for birth control and abortions, we are essentially asking them to control our reproductive abilities.

You read that right. We are inviting the government back into our uteruses. But now it's worse. Decades  ago, we wanted the government to give us control of our uteruses, to grant us the freedom and the right to evict any tenant thereof. Essentially we said, "It's our uterus, it's our choice."

But now, we're saying, "It's still our uterus, it's still our choice, but now we want you to pay for it." Common sense tells us what the government pays for the government owns. So we are selling our uteruses to the government. Sadly, we think that getting free or low-cost abortions and free birth control is somehow our right. We think receiving such things gives us more freedom, allows us greater choice, and somehow liberates us.

But it doesn't! You cannot ask the government to pay for something and expect they won't tell you how to do it. That just doesn't happen. Even in the most liberal of socialist cultures, there are rules and qualifiers in order to receive welfare and social services.

So asking the government to pay for abortion andbirth control is the first step to government control of all our reproductive rights. Maybe in a few years the government will require that all women of a certain age or certain race will be required to take birth control. Or maybe they'll be required to have hysterectomies. This is already a part of our history, just google "forced sterlization in US in 20th century." Or maybe several years from now, women will be required to abort girl babies or babies who will be born with a defect. Maybe what seems like a great idea now will actually turn into genocide.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I know that there is no such thing as a free lunch.  Somebody, somewhere has to pay for it. And we might end up paying for this "choice" with our freedom.

Back from Niagara

We returned from our 10-day field trip to Niagara Falls last week-end. We had a great time, saw lots of interesting things and came back exhausted.

This week friends and family have asked me about the Falls and honestly I haven't known how to answer. It is so breathtakingly spectacular that I cannot find the words to describe it. The roaring, crashing, plunging water is powerful yet peaceful. You just can't stop looking at it.

Pictures cannot capture the magnitude of magnificence that is Niagara Falls. It is untamed beauty. It is majesty unbridled. It is more than just a waterfall. Having been to Hawai'i a couple dozen times, I've seen a lot of waterfalls. But Niagara is just spectacular.

We of course did all the touristy things like take a boat ride on Maid of the Mist where we got utterly soaked. After the ride, we went to the restrooms and stood by the hand dryers. The kids thought that was hilarious. We also saw a 4-D show called Niagara's Fury which tells how Niagara Falls were formed. Of course, it's only theory and we don't completely buy it. It's much more believable that the Falls are a work of a Wondrous and Almighty God. We also went to the White Water Walk which is a boardwalk along the banks of the Niagara River, below the Falls. They are category 6 rapids. Professional rafters usually raft on category 4-5 rapids.

And we went "Behind the Falls" which was wet, slipperly and dumbfounding.

Along the way to and from Niagara, we made some more field trip stops. One was at the Bonneyville Mill, a water-powered flour mill in Elkhart, IN. Beautiful! And we also visited the Jelly Belly Warehouse in Pleasant Prairie, WI as well as 4 of the 5 Great Lakes. We already visited Lake Superior last year, so now we've seen them all. The kids also got to add 6 new states to their travel logs bringing Adam to 22 states visited in just 8 years! He's only 1 behind me. And of course we stopped at the Mall of America for our Lego Store and Disney Store fix and paid two visits to Trader Joe's. All in all, it was a wonderful vacation!

Relax? Check!

I am not a "roll with the punches" kind of girl. I don't do spontaneity and I don't think anyone has ever called me "laid back." In fact, if you look up "easy-going" in the dictionary, it says "antonym: Kristy Rose." I'm serious. Go look. I'll wait.

Let me just break this down for you. I alphabetize my spices. My movies, books and CDs are organized by genre and then placed in alphabetical order. My closet is arranged by style then by color. I keep three calendars and make to-do lists. Excel is one of my favorite software packages because I make spreadsheets for everything. Like the seven-page outline for our wedding. Or the packing lists, complete with multiple check-off boxes for each item, for every trip. I spend hours obsessing over schedules and itineraries and eventually put those into spreadsheets too. I even schedule "sleep" and "relaxation." I can't help it. I like to have an order to everything.

That's probably why God called me to be an Avon lady. I can whip up a two-day delivery schedule broken into 15-minute increments in under five minutes. And then I stick to that schedule. My customers joke that they can tell the time by me. Yes, punctuality is as important as order and remaining on schedule is of top priority. I mean, why bother making a schedule or a spreadsheet if you're not going to stick to it?

In high school, I had a button on my book bag that read, "I thrive on stress." Yes, yes I do. Deadlines, timetables, lists, spreadsheets. These are the fabric of my life. Don't mess with it.

To me, life is all about the details. I know this makes me intense. Perhaps that's why the Pastor who married us suggested I join his Type A recovery group. Oh how I wish I was joking.

That said, there are three things that bring me deep relaxation and relief. I mean the kind of relaxation that sinks deep into your bones and makes your soul sigh. That's the kind of relaxation a Super Type A like me needs.

Baking gives me deep joy and relief from my world of order. I know most people believe cooking is an art and baking is a science. But for me, baking is an art. An art from the deepest place in my heart.

Being in the water, whether it's pool, ocean, lake or river, washes away the stress and compulsion. I remember taking a class on Watsu (water-based massage) and the teacher said, "wow, girl, you really let go when you get into the water." At the time, she was performing watsu on me and noticed how every muscle in my body just melted and glided through the water.

Yet there is one thing that takes me to a tranquil place even more than baking or water. You guessed it. Hula. When I hula, I forget there's a world around me. I forget to think. I let go of planning. I just dance. My body responds to the music as though it was created for hula. My hips keep time, my hands tell the story and I step-together-step-touch into another world.

That's why hula worship has struck such a deep chord in my soul. The music leads me to a meditative mindset and my hands tell the story of my Awesome Creator and Savior. When I dance and sing praise to God, I feel this calming yet invigorating energy move through me and fill me up. It's Aloha. (read last week's post to understand)

Hula worship to me is like melting into Him and finally taking a breath, finally resting in His love and grace.

Living Aloha?

Even though I'm a lover of all things Hawai'i and Polynesian, I've often wondered what it meant to "Live Aloha." It wasn't too long ago, while reading a book about the Big Island, that I figured out what that saying meant. Before you can know what "live aloha" means, you need to understand the meaning of aloha and its antithesis haole.

The word aloha though used mostly as a greeting, its literal translation is much deeper than just "hello" or "goodbye."  The word actually "breath of life." Conversely, the derogatory term "haole" means "breathless." Haole (how-lee) is what islanders call white people. When the first white men arrived on the islands, they were dressed in heavy, stiff clothes with tight collars. To the laid back islanders, the white people looked like they were struggling to breathe.

Living aloha means to live and treat each other with love and respect. It means to connect mind and heart in a compassionate, considerate way. It means to spread love around to everyone.

When I think about "aloha" and "haole", I think about passion. I think of living aloha as meaning living with passion. I think of "haoles" as people who are living life without passion. We all know people who are haoles. They go through life, one day to the next, rather robotic about everything. And when you ask them what they are living for, they look at you blankly. That's a haole.

Job 33:4 says "For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of Almighty gives me life."

Aloha means "breath of life" and my Almighty Father breathed life into me, so I strive every day to live with passion, to live with love.