Decisions, Decisions....

Have you ever taken a personality test? How do you answer this true/false question:

I make decisions easily. 

If you're like me, you think to yourself, "Ooo. Hard question. I'll come back to that one." Then you move on and answer the rest of the questions.  

Quite honestly, I am not a good decision-maker. I vacillate, weigh the pros and cons, weigh them again, visualize the end results, ask for opinions, make charts, draw graphs. My famous motto is this: I'll know it when I see it.

And in the end, that's often what happens. Eventually I get a gut feeling and make a decision. Most of the time I'm happy with said decision. And I have to say that I am happy with my choices about 99% of the time.

Now, please don't credit me with being some sort of genius or spiritual guru. I am neither, I assure you. But there comes a time in every decision-making process when you finally know.

I would like to tell you that this gut feeling I get comes from a rich prayer life, a commitment to reading chapters upon chapters of the Bible every day and a period of fasting. It doesn't.

But my gut feeling usually comes after I've given up on the charts, graphs and coin-flipping and just ask God. It's nothing fancy. I don't use big words. I don't kneel. Sometimes I don't even close my eyes or bow my head. (it's kind of hard to drive if you pray with your eyes closed!) Usually it goes something like this:  "God, what should I do?" Or sometimes it's more like this: "God if I do blank, then blank might happen. What do you think?" Or "God, I don't have peace about choosing blank."

Then, some time later, after I've really just laid it out there at God's feet, I get my gut feeling. Sometimes it's within a few seconds. Sometimes it's months later. The waiting part really bites, but I'm getting used to it.

So I guess what I want to tell you about decision-making is this: when making a decision, there's only one right decision to make. And that's the decision to lay it out there for God's direction and input. Sure, you can go ahead and make your pro/con lists, draw your graphs and flip your coins. Sometimes He uses those things to nudge you in the right direction. But, please, please decide to talk to Him.

Faith Is A Crutch

Faith is a crutch. A cop-out. An excuse.

There. Do I have your attention now?

Lately, this issue of "having faith" has really been boiling up inside me. In fact, I wrote an entire blog post on scrap paper about this very thing while waiting to pick up Adam a couple weeks ago, but now I can't find it.

It seems to me that some Christians (regardless of your denomination) have begun to treat "having faith" like George Michael's 1980s hit. "Yes, I gotta have faith, I gotta have faith, faith, faith."

And it's true, we must have faith. In fact, the entire Christian religion is built on faith. Faith that God created the universe, faith that God is who He says He is, faith that Jesus indeed died for our sins, and faith that He is coming back for us. But somewhere along the line, we've taken faith and turned it into a crutch, a cop-out, an excuse to sit on our laurels while the world goes by.

It's no secret that Bismarck suffered from a historical flood last year. My neighborhood was one of many affected, and while we were luckier than most, we still experienced the horror. From the first day we realized that our house could be affected, my family and I stood on the faith that we would be okay. Our homes would be okay. All would be well in the end. We reminded each other of God's provision, protection and grace. We stood firm on the faith that this was going to be for our good.

But while practicing faith, we also practiced prudence and works.  We bought sand and begged for help. In the early hours when no help was around, my parents, husband and I filled sandbags. With the loving help and support from our friends, we emptied our homes and we built sandbag dikes. We did everything we could think of to protect our homes from the impending flood.

Did our actions marginalize our faith? No! Were we being faith-less because we were working on our own accord, with our own muscles, to save our home? No! Such suggestions are not only foolish but they're likely to get you hit over the head with a shovel.

Friends, Christian and not, would have implored me to "do something" to prevent as much damage as possible. And if I'd ignored their imploring, wouldn't they have thought me foolish? Absolutely!

So, why then do Christians often just resort to "having faith" while throwing in the towel? Why do some Christians pray for God to provide a job, a home, money, a spouse, a child, health, or some other blessing but do nothing else?

Mark Gungor says it this way:

One cannot honestly read the words of Jesus and help but come away with this one overwhelming message: unless you are willing to give up every thing, every sin and everybody in your life, you cannot be his disciple. Yet somehow, we have taken the glorious message of faith, repentance and total commitment to God and boiled it down to one simple message for the world around us: “just believe”.

It reminds me of the story of Peter Pan. If you have ever seen a stage show of Peter Pan, you know there is a special scene where Tinkerbell is losing all of her power and is about to die. That is when an appeal is made to the audience to just say “I believe!”. “If you want to save Tinkerbell, you have to say ‘I believe’!!” Soon the entire audience is shouting at the top of their lungs, “I believe! I believe!”. To the delight of all, little Tink is saved.

And the thing that really puts me over the top on this issue is that when Christians (myself included) say, "We just have to have faith" or "We need to let God work," we feel good about ourselves. We feel proud of ourselves for being so righteous that we're "letting go and letting God."

The problem is the world isn't listening to our words, they're not reading our thoughts, they're watching our actions! And displaying our faith requires work and obedience to God's instructions, all of His instructions.

Consider James 2:14-24

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. ¹⁹ You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
²⁰ You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless^[d]? ²¹ Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? ²² You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. ²³ And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”^[e] and he was called God’s friend. ²⁴ You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

Having faith and expecting God to do all the work is like going on a diet but not changing your eating habits because you have faith God will make you skinny.

Of course, if God wants to make you skinny (rich, married, employed, healthy, smart, or King of England) He can. He doesn't need you to do anything to make that miracle a reality. He can do it if He chooses, when He chooses and how He chooses. But the reality is we need to participate so we don't miss the miracle! We need to take an active role in His work in our lives so that our faith can grow. And as it grows then we get to share it with others. Other people get to witness it in our lives. Isn't that the point? To grow and share our faith so that others might know him?

And before you say it, I will: "all things are possible for God." Yes, yes they are. Isn't that what I just said? But if you read Matthew 19:16-30. Jesus says "all things are possible with God" but first He tells the rich young man all the things he needs to do!

For that matter, Matthew 19:26 says "all things are possible with God" and Mark 9:23 says "everything is possible for one who believes." It says possible! It doesn't say, "just believe and it will happen" like in Mark Gungor's re-telling of Tinkerbell's story. 

So what is it that you are waiting for God to do? Are you sure He hasn't already told you how to do it?

Am I living in Exodus?

Lately I've been feeling a lot like a Hebrew after the exodus from Egypt.

When we were called to move to North Dakota (and believe me it was a calling from God. Why else would we choose 40 below over white sand and coffee plantations?) I thought and planned for a new life that looked much different from what it has become. Surely the Hebrews would identify with me.

I envisioned a provincial existence. I would write for hours while I waited for the homemade bread to bake or the jars of canned goods, fresh from my own garden of course, to process on the stove. My house would remain spotless with little effort from me. Scott would have a fabulous career with lots of perks. Adam would walk or ride his bike to school. In my abundance of free time, I would craft, sew, scrapbook, read and play with Gracey and write some more. I'd be part of a writer's group and Scott would join a band. We would have lots of social and relaxation time with school and church friends. Our neighbors would gather regularly for barbecues.  On the week-ends, we'd take our ATVs on trail rides, or skip wakes on our jet skis, or speed along snowy fields on our snowmobiles. Then we'd roast marshmallows over the fire with friends and neighbors. There would be rugged adventures and homey holidays.

Church would be perfect. Home would be perfect. School would be perfect.

In short, life would be perfect and we'd be sit-com happy. Courier and Ives would have nothing on us. Neither would Disney.

Don't you think the Hebrews thought something along those lines when God told them of the Promised Land?

Yes, North Dakota was the Promised Land for me. And, by and large it has been the best decision we've ever made and we have found contentment, pleasure and happiness here. Many, many of our dreams have come true even though my house is not effortlessly clean and our lives are far from perfect.

I'm not complaining, mind you, because I love life here and truth be told I'm glad we followed God's call to North Dakota and didn't wind up in Hawai'i. But, honestly I didn't think it would be this much work.

Don't you think that when the Hebrews discovered they had to defeat the giants living in and around the Promised Land they were a little surprised, overwhelmed and maybe even perturbed?

As I look back over the last five-and-a-half years since we moved here, I sigh and say, "we've worked so hard." I never, ever fell into bed exhausted in our former California life the way I do here. And trust me, it wasn't because we didn't work hard. We had our own business, we had a house and yard to care for, we had Adam, we had more family to contend with, we had hobbies and so on and so forth. But setting up our new life in the Promised Land has proven to be exhausting.

There have been surmountable transitions, devastating changes, exuberant joy, unquestionable successes and they all add up to work. Lots of work. Work that I didn't think I'd have to do.

I just thought the hard work was the moving, the actual physical leaving of California. I didn't realize that was the easy part. And I bet as the Hebrews watched the Egyptians get washed away in the Red Sea, they thought the same thing.

I realize the fault is mine. I managed to make our "new life" into some sort of fairy tale existence that vaulted my expectations into the stratosphere. And that's okay because if I'm completely honest, I like this life better than the one I'd imagined in my delusions. I like that every minute of every day is filled with something. I like that I feel like I'm making a difference in my life and those of my family and others. I like that I'm never bored. 

But it makes me wonder if the Hebrews felt the same way. I wonder if they sat down at the end of a particularly long day and say, "Whew, this Promised Land thing sure has turned out to be more than I bargained for." Maybe not in so many words, but probably.

And here's my realization: when God transplants you, He has a reason for doing it. It's not like He's playing some eternal game of chess and we are his pawns. It's not all fun and games to Him. So why do we think it will be all fun and games to us?

Aren't we transplanted for His good and ultimately, though not exactly how we imagined, for our own? So we can grow and bloom? So His blessed purpose can be fulfilled in us and through us?

Well no wonder I'm so tired!

Welcome to My New Writing Studio

Welcome! I'm glad you stopped by my new blog.

The Rose in Bloom just never felt right. I created that blog because of my "transplants" writing project but I felt boxed in by my blog name. When I blogged abotu something non-transplants related, I felt like I was cheating. So it was time for a move.

The Rose and Pen will still feature my posts about transplants and about life in general, but eventually it will also have information about my new writing ventures. I'll tell you more about those later.

For now, have a look around. I welcome your feedback!

Grateful for Grandmothers

Growing up, I was lucky enough to have three grandmothers. Baba was my mom's mom and lived just a mile from us. Grandma was my dad's step-mom. For the first few years of my life, she lived a few miles away then they moved to Washington. Grandma Charlotte was my dad's birth-mom who I didn't meet until I was nine or ten. She lived in Washington too.

Shortly after my 11th birthday, Grandma Charlotte died. I remember being sad because I barely knew her but my dad always said that I had her eyes.

A few months later, Grandma died. She was scared and depressed and took her own life. I was stunned. So stunned that I couldn't even cry. It just didn't make sense to me that my sweet, loving Grandma would do that to herself.

When I was 19, Baba died. I was with her when she lost consciousness though she officially died a few hours later at the hospital. When the nurses took us to her, I threw myself across her stomach and sobbed. I'm crying now just thinking about it.

I've often begrudged friends who are lucky enough to still have their grandmothers. How lucky they are to be in their adult years and still have a grandma! I've also often wondered why God transplanted my grandmothers out of my life. And more often than not felt sorry for myself.

But today, I realized how richly blessed I am. Yes, I have three grandmothers who have left this world. However, I have eight "new" grandmothers.

It took selling Avon for me to acquire these new grandmothers. I see them every other week. I sit at their kitchen tables and listen to their stories. They give me recipes and share advice. I ask for cooking tips and sewing pointers. They know my children and husband by name, though few of them have actually met Scott, Adam or Gracey. Often enough they send me on my way with homemade goodies, flowers from their garden or some other little treasure. Some call me honey, others call me Kris, one doesn't always remember my name at all. I've laughed with all of them and cried with some of them. We solve the world's problems and we giggle at our mistakes. A few tell me they love me, but they all make me feel loved.

So though these "Avon Grandmas" will never replace my real grandmothers, they are terrific surrogates and I am forever grateful to have them.

bad news and The Good News

The river is up a few inches to 17.51 feet. And this was in the paper this morning:

Road in Bismarck possibly washed out by floodwater
By The Associated Press | Posted: Saturday, June 11, 2011 1:15 am |
The chairman of the Burleigh County Commission is warning Bismarck residents not to travel over a road he says has been potentially washed out by flooding.
Brian Bitner says Sibley Drive south of Sherman is impassable because of emergency flows from Garrison Dam. He says some residents had still been driving over the road to get to their homes but that doing so now would be more treacherous.

This stretch of Sibley Drive is the stretch we drove through last Saturday as we evacuated. We drove through it again the other night and it was already much worse. And now, it is impassable.

It's a good thing that before reading that, I read Psalm 29-33.

The verses that stuck out:

Psalm 29:3 The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters

Psalm 29:10 The Lord sites enthroned over the flood; the Lord is entrhoned as King forever.

Psalm 29:11 The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Psalm 31:9 Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.

Psalm 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

Transparent

One of the many things I'm learning during this flood crisis is that people have a want and a need to help other people. Depriving them by refusing to accept help hurts us as much as it hurts them. Of course, in order to accept the help you need to be transparent and vulnerable.

Witnessing the kindness and generosity of friends, family and strangers during these last two weeks has truly humbled me. And it's taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to be transparent.

These days it doesn't take much for me to wear my heart on my sleeve. Every failure is met with tears but so is every victory. Each glimmer of hope is written on my face as is every doubt.

Maybe it's just because I don't have the energy to conceal my emotions right now. But I don't think that's it at all. I think it's because I'm learning that people need to see others at their worst so they realize that it's okay to be broken, hurting, mad, sad, and scared. And it also helps keep our own problems in perspective.

During a particularly rough patch, someone gave me advice that I have kept in mind recently:

You go through what you go through so you can help others go through what you went through.